Friday, October 31, 2008

Days 17, 18 and 19

Sorry to have kept you on the edge of your seat about the banking calls . I've been busy doing stuff.

Day 17 arrived and I was out for most of the day. But I was beginning to think that they were finally on to me, because they called at 4:46pm. They were kind enough to tell me they would make a note on the Husband's account that he should be called in the evenings.

Day 18. 3:45 pm on the nose. They not very kindly told me they would make note of it on the Husband's account. I don't understand it. I was nothing but peaches and cream to that woman.

Day 19. Today. 10:03 am. Excellent. We're right back on track. I hope I get to wish these guys a Merry Christmas. Bonnie wasn't very cheerful this morning. In fact, I would wager that that she had a fight with her significant other last night. Or there's a teenager living in her house. She didn't even tell me she would make note of it on his account.

So, with the daily banking courtesy call out of the way, I'm off to find a Halloween costume for the Boy. All week I have asked him what he's going to dress up as on the big day. What do I need to get. You know, motherly stuff. Yesterday, before heading to the Salvation Army yet again for a costume accessory the Princess needed, I asked him......"WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO BE??? I'M GOING TO THE SALVATION ARMY NOW."

The Boy said, and I quote, "I don't know."

This morning, October 31st, the Boy told me he needed a Halloween mask.

After pouring water on my head to douse the fire shooting out of my ears, I asked him why he didn't inform me of this when I asked him YESTERDAY. His answer gives a pretty indepth look into the mind of a 14 year old boy.

"I told you at dinner a couple nights ago I was thinking of wearing a mask."

Yes. I gave birth to that.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Day 16

Every weekday morning for the past 3 weeks, Monday thru Friday, I have received a phone call between the times of 10 and 10:30 am, Pacific Standard Time. A 'friendly service call' from the Husband's credit card company.

The first time they called, I just told them the Husband wasn't in.

Silly me.

The second day, I told them he wasn't in and asked what it was about. "Just a courtesy call from We Lost All Your RRSP Earnings Bank, Credit Card Division. It's nothing to be concerned about. We'll call back."

Yes. They certainly would.

The third day, I told them he wasn't in and then told them they would need to call in the evenings if they wanted to speak with the Husband.

They told me they would note this on his account.

No. They wouldn't.

Day 4. I told them he wasn't in, that they had been calling for several days now, all at the same time of day, and the last person who called had said they would make note that if they wanted to speak with Mr. Husband, they would have to CALL IN THE EVENING.

They said they would make note of this on his account.

Uh huh.

This has been repeated for 16 days. Every day between 10 and 10:30 am, someone calls. Everyday, I tell them that they have been calling for X number of days. I've repeatedly told them to call in the evening. I've been repeatedly told it would be noted on his account. The apologies from the other end are getting pretty good. I could hear the guy fidgeting in his chair yesterday.

I'm starting to have a bit of fun.

Now, before they even ask for the Husband, I ask them if this is the WLAYREP Bank calling (you can tell it's them. There's a pause and a click after you say "Hello" and before a human comes on the line). And then I ask them if they know what day we're on.

And then they tell me they will make note of it on his account.

Yesterday, when I told the Husband, he asked if he should just call the bank himself. I told him absolutely not. I want to see how many days it takes for someone to actually do their job and figure out a way to make their computer system schedule an evening calling time.

I have no idea how long it will take. What day we'll get to. But they may be onto me. Today they called at 9:05 am. I was totally taken by surprise and didn't ask them if they knew what day we were on.

Lest they think they are breaking me, tomorrow I will ask them why they're not calling to console me about our latest RRSP statement.

Should be fun. I'll keep you updated.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Top 10 Positives This Week

I'm IRRITATED. I'm FRUSTRATED. I have a MIGRAINE. And the dog just ripped up an entire cardboard cylinder all over the living room floor. I don't want to get up, pick up all the pieces and then drag out the vacuum. That will only lead to more cleaning and irritation and frustration and migraine inducing pain.

I don't need that.

So I shall sit here on my duff and try to write myself out of my *ahem* cantankerous (gotta love the online thesaurus) mood and think about:

The Top Ten Positive Things I Experienced This Week

10. Watching a biker dude run across an intersection to help a couple of teenagers who's car had stalled.

9. Seeing people run in the pouring rain to chase pumpkins that had burst from their huge cardboard container and were rolling pell mell across the parking lot.

8. A lady coming up to me in a store and telling me my children were cute enough to be put on a postcard.

7. A Husband who made sure I had enough cash with me when I went out to meet a girlfriend for a beer and needed chat.

6. Long conversations with my siblings on the phone.

5. All of my siblings (and there's a lot of them) answering my neurotic and demanding emails.

4. Sitting and talking for two and a half hours with a friend I've known since grade 1.

3. Walking in the autumn sunshine with a two year old and looking at all the Halloween decorations in the neighbourhood.

2. Having a Tim Horton's coffee to drink while waiting at the Albion ferry.

.....and the #1 Positive Thing I Experienced This Week....

1. Being able to say "I love you" to my Mom.

I feel better already.

You can too. Add to my list. We could make it a top 20.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Might I Suggest?

....not opening up your RRSP statement?

If you do, you will be forced to think back 7 years, to a time when that RRSP was worth what it is worth today (give or take 3 dollars). Then you'll go sit in a corner and cry. Which will lead to thinking about your retirement years and how you will be eating peanut butter out of a jar for dinner and cutting pretty buttons off of an old blouse to give to your grandchildren for Christmas presents. Which will lead to you wanting a beer.

But you can't afford a beer because you need to start stuffing your mattress with Loonies and Twonies so you can afford to buy said peanut butter and blouses from the Salvation Army during your retirement years. This will make you mad. Which will lead to you shoving that RRSP statement violently back into the envelope. Which will cause another piece of paper to fall out of that envelope.

You will read it and discover that the bank wants you to know, "investment discipline is key to success," and "the most important thing for any investor is to avoid acting on emotions."

Which will cause you to take a match to your RRSP statement and spout off words that no 2 year old should ever hear about Financial Advisors. You will momentarily feel better.

But, it will be an awkward conversation with your bank, explaining why you need a copy of your latest RRSP statement. And they will charge you $15 for it.

Might I suggest drinking the beer?

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Starbucks, You Done Me Wrong

Starbucks, you've really done it now.

You waste water by the Olympic sized pool full, you serve stale bakery products, and yet still get my money because no one makes a nice hot chai tea latte like you do.

But this is the final straw.

I sent the Husband out to buy more coffee beans after the last fiasco with my brain farts.

And he didn't come back with Yukon coffee either because APPARENTLY Starbucks isn't selling it anymore....on a regular basis, anyways. What's that suppose to mean? "It's now a seasonal release." What flipping season do you sell it? APPARENTLY not in the autumn season.

I have enough to cry about. I don't need to be shedding tears over the loss of my morning mug of steaming bold yet still mellow and balanced manna from heaven.

It was a stupid name for a coffee anyways.

But don't worry about me. I'll survive. It's the third week of October. Starbucks will have their Christmas blend out next week.

Friday, October 17, 2008

The Princess Diaries, Mahoney Style

The Princess is obsessed.

Remember this? Die Toothfairy Die!

The Princess is obsessed with writing, not killing the tooth fairy. Writing is exciting, it's fun, it's what she does when she's awake. If she wants something to eat, she writes it down and hands me the paper. If she doesn't feel well, she writes it down.

"Mommy I fill like I am going to forup and bi the wa I love you do you love me yes ___ no ___"

(Mommy, I feel like I am going to throw up. And by the way, I love you. Do you love me? Yes or no? Please check one.)

So, of course, I like reading all these little pieces of paper that she leaves lying around the house. They're full of tidbits of information about how she's feeling, things that have happened at school, and ideas that are running through her head.

Last night, I went to check the girls before I went to sleep. The Princess was blissfully asleep, with a notebook and black felt laying beside her on the bed.

I was curious. I looked at the book. This is what I found.

The Princess' first marriage proposal was from Noah.

I think the wedding is off.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Pumpkin Scones

I read a lovely big blog called Rocks in My Dryer .

Shannon is the blogger I want to grow up to be. On a completely strange little sidebar, I have an identical twin out there in the world who is in no way related to me but she must exist because every once in a while I have someone come up to me and say, "SHANNON!!" and then do a double take and say, "Oh, I thought you were someone" and then they just stand there looking at me funny. It's gotten less awkward as time goes by.

Anyways, Shannon over at Rocks in My Dryer has a weekly thingamabob called, "Works for Me Wednesday" where other bloggers can add a little or big tidbit of helpful info to help all of us out in this overwhelming world of ours.

So here's my tidbit for the day. Pumpkin Scones. I make these all the time. And I've been promising someone the recipe for about a year now, so, here ya go J. See? Even when I blog I'm multi-tasking. What a woman.

Pumpkin Scones

2 cups all purpose flour
1/3 cup brown sugar
1/2 tsp ground ginger
1/2 tsp ground cinnamon
1 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 cup unsalted butter, cut into pieces
1/3 cup buttermilk
1/2 cup canned pure pumpkin
1 tsp vanilla extract

Mix all dry ingredients together.

Cut butter into dry mix using two knives, a pastry blender or if you're really lucky and your husband bought you a beautiful red KitchenAid Mixer for Christmas, you can use that. Blend until the consistency of course crumbs.

Mix buttermilk, pumpkin and vanilla together in a separate bowl.

Pour wet ingredients into flour and butter mixture.

Mix until everything just comes NOT over mix. I'll come over and tsk tsk tsk if you do.

Pour mixture out onto a clean dry surface.

Knead dough 5 or 6 times, just enough to get the ingredients into a ball.

Gently press dough into a circle.

Cut circle in half, then cut each half into three. If you've done it right, you'll end up with six scones. Yay for math.

Get out two baking sheets. Put them together.

Place scones on top sheet (yes, you need to do this step. I don't know why, but putting the two sheets together helps in the baking process).

Bake at 400 degrees for 22 minutes.

While your lovely scones are cooling, make yourself some icing. Easy peesy.

1Tbsp butter
A bunch of icing sugar
A dab of vanilla
A smidge of hot water

Mix butter, some icing sugar and a bit of hot water together until creamy. Add vanilla. Continue adding icing sugar until the icing is the consistency you want.

Spread icing onto cooled scones.

For an added flair, reserve about a third of the icing you've made. Add about a teaspoon of cinnamon, then pipe the cinnamon icing onto the iced scones.


I always double the recipe. And I never have buttermilk in the house. Just put 1 tsp of vinegar into 1/3 cup milk and voila! And I never use butter. I use margarine and they're delicious, but they'd be even better if you use butter.

Now....if someone has a great recipe for Cranberry and Orange scones, I'd be most grateful.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Ponderings and the End of the World

I follow quite a few blogs.

I read quite a few books.

This weekend sent me into a bit of a tailspin with bad news and bad reads.

One of the blogs I follow Confessions of a CF Husband - his wife's cancer is not being helped by her chemo and it may have spread.

A little girl named Ashley is back in the hospital with organ rejection.

I read a book called The Road, by Cormac McCarthy . The eldest daughter is reading it in her English 12 class. It's won awards, including The Pulitzer Prize for Fiction. It's been an Oprah Book Club book. It's awful. It's depressing. It's about the end of the world as we know it.

I do not like reading about decapitated and gutted newborn babies being roasted on a spit. I kept reading this book and thinking, "Don't high school students have enough to be depressed about without having to be forced to read about the end of the world and being carried into further depression with each page they turn?" But what can one expect from the author of No Country for Old Men, I suppose. The book has been turned into a movie, to be released in November. I'm sure it will win a bunch of awards just as Old Country did, but I won't be watching it. Even if Viggo Mortensen is starring in it.


NO, not even if Viggo is in it.

So, I'm off to go and enjoy the bit of sun that's out there hiding behind the clouds. The Youngest and I will find some cheer in our beautiful world where we can vote and buy food at the grocery store. I hope if you're reading this, you will take a moment to say a prayer for someone who needs it and then take a moment to find something to be thankful for.

And vote if you're Canadian.

Monday, October 13, 2008


Why has no one invented an self emptying/loading dishwasher?

Why is there a direct correlation between the mess in the house and the length of time I get to sleep in?

Why haven't toy makers invented a quiet remote controlled toy car?

Why is it immoral to cut the vocal chords of yappy dogs?

Why has the toddler in my house decided the potty is not her friend?

Why do the dogs and toddler in my house have to have a 'who can pee on the most carpet today?' contest?

Why is it raining when there are so many children and animals in this house?

Why do people write really sad books that draw me in so I have to keep reading them but make me more and more depressed with each turn of a page?

Why did my toddler just come up to me, smile, scream, then run away?

Why do I shop at Stupidstore?
Why does Blogger keep messing up the spacing on my little blog?
Why do I keep repeating "Why me?" today?

Did I miss any?

Thursday, October 9, 2008

"This is THEEE Best Recipe EVER, except..."

I'm researching cranberry orange scone recipes online. I figure it's time to expand the whole 'scone' repertoire.

I love reading the recipe reviews. They're hilarious. Especially the 5 star rating ones. They go something like this.

"No wonder you have a little weight problem. Do you know how many calories are in those scones?"

"This is THEEE Best recipe EVER!!! Except I put in Bing cherries for the cranberries, doubled the sugar, used half the salt, doubled the glaze, added some orange flavouring, used three times the zest called for and cook it for less time than called for."

Come again?

Another good one was, "I substituted chocolate chips for the cranberries."

Haven't found 'the one' yet, but I'll let you know when I do.

I will post my own review. With pictures.

If I can find some batteries for the camera.

Top 10 Things I Never Thought I Would Say

10. "Get your pancake off the window."

9. "Don’t stick your finger there." (dog’s, um, posterior…)

8. "Get your fingers (note the plural) out of your nose." To be closely followed by, "Don’t feed your snot to the dog!" To be closely followed by, "AHHH!! DON'T LICK YOUR FINGERS!!"

7. "You’re going to electrocute yourself!" (I’m pretty sure this one is contrary to my Early Childhood Educational training. In ECE lingo, I think I should have phrased it, “Electrical sockets are for plugging in lights and vacuums, not forks.”)

6. "I am NOT going to let you grow up to be a juvenile delinquent!"

5. "If you ask me one more time, you're going to have to send me to the funny farm."

4. "Never mind what a funny farm is."

3. "If you don't get back in your bed, you are NOT going to school tomorrow!"

2. "Don't tell your father."

....and the #1 thing I never thought I would say is......

1. "Oh my Gosh! High School Musical 3 comes out soon! We totally have to go see that!"

The #1 thing I never thought I'd hear the Husband say?

After the 2 year old head butted him in the mouth...

"OWWW!! That hurt! GO LIE DOWN!" (He's told the dog to go lie down once or twice in his life, but it was a first for the two year old.)

Be brave. Add to my list. I know you've got some.....

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Note to Self

When washing the bathroom from top to bottom, close the door when you're finished.

Allow the sparkling clean room to DRY COMPLETELY before allowing the 70 black fur ball of a dog to enter, thereby alleviating the need to reclean the bathroom that has taken on the appearance of a 70's black shag carpet.

The Boy

My baby boy turned 14 yesterday.

He's grown from being an easy going baby to an easy going teenager.

He loves jokes, things with buttons and an assortment of sports.

He is loved, although on most days, he'd only admit this under torture.

He is a man of few words, 'grmmmmmm' being his favourite.

He is a great big brother who is always looking out for his little sisters.

He puts up with his big sister.

He has to deal with a whole lot of estrogen on a daily basis. He has a great relationship with his father.

I can't wait to see what he grows up to Architect? Video game developer?

Whatever it is, he'll be great at it. When he likes doing something, he puts his all into it.

Happy Birthday, Buddy!

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

The Winner

Well, the comments were awesome. I loved all of them except the one from my Mom asking if I was pregnant.

It was a tough choice. I needed a day to think about it. But now that commenter TentativeEquinox is pestering me, I have to concur. K. Arneson wins it with her hilarious comment about her flea free husband.

So, Miss K, drop me a line and let me know if you want the scones or candles.

And a big surprise 2nd place goes to TentativeEquinox. Despite the latest comment where T.E. is acting all big sisterish, she wrote the most comments, so she gets the leftovers. Whatever K.A. doesn't get, T.E.

I'm just that generous.

Coming up, later on....a tribute to my son, who turns 14 today.

I'm just that old.

Happy Birthday, Buddy.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

On Being an Adult

Sometimes, things aren’t funny. Life is messy, and some days it feels like I’m the only one cleaning any of it up. I’m the only one watching the kids in the playground. I’m the only one not paying someone else to raise my kids. I’m the only one without a career and 8 pairs of Italian leather boots. I’m the only who serves my family meals that they haven’t ordered from a sticky menu. I’m the only one who’s driving around a 12 year old wet dog smelling purple mini van with a dent in the left front panel. God I wish I were making up the part about the purple.

Yes, life is not as they described it. It’s like I neglected to notice the fine print at the bottom of the glossy brochure.


Yes, you too can join the ranks of ‘adult’ even though you’re way too young, stupid and have absolutely no experience in making any significant and important life decisions such as:

Deciding on your career for the next 40 years
Choosing a life mate
Child Rearing
Knowing how much liquor is too much liquor
Is undercoating on your new vehicle a scam?
Thinking you can afford a new vehicle with undercoating

And so much more.....

This is a limited time offer.

Disclaimer – Any and all forms of birth control will eventually fail. Travel and children do not mix. Any and all decisions made will have a lifetime of consequences. Liquor is an expensive way to deal with regretful decisions. If you are female, you cannot have it all. If you are a male, a woman will make your life a living hell 3 days per month. This life can be revoked at any time without warning or reason. You may not trade in the body given to you for a newer model. It is strongly advised to take care of the one you've been issued.

That's my problem. I never read the fine print. Not when signing my life away with our mortgage, our life insurance, or creating an account on Facebook.

When you’re 19, you believe the ‘act now!!’ bit. You jump in with both feet, knowing you’re going to be the one to change the world and have fun doing it all at the same time.

And in the blink of an eye, you’re looking down the barrel of a 40th birthday invitation and you wonder what the heck happened to all your dreams and wishful thinking.

Life happened.

Some days I think perhaps I just bought the wrong model.

On all the other ones, I know that I have the life I wanted. Most of it anyways. And if I go back and read the fine print, I realize that I cannot have it all, at least not all at once anyways.

I hope this melancholy is gone by tomorrow.

* Reminder!! The contest is closing tonight at 11pm! Get your comments in for a chance to win a glorious prize. *

Saturday, October 4, 2008

DIE Tooth fairy DIE!

Ya, that was my reaction too.

My heart was racing pretty fast as well, when our 6 year old little princess handed me a letter she had written, threatening death (repeatedly) to the tooth fairy.

The Princess lost a tooth yesterday, and against her mother's sage advice, left it sitting on the table in the living room. I think I vacuumed it up. Being the loving mother I am, I assuring my worried child that the tooth fairy was very small and she'd be able to fly right up there into the vacuum. No need for a tooth under your pillow. Just write the little fairy a note to explain where she could find it.

* sidebar - this is the third note the Princess has written to the tooth fairy about 'lost a tooth, but maybe you can find it....' story. She's only had five teeth fall out. Not even batting 500 at getting them under her pillow. And I still feel funny about the note the tooth fairy left the Princess about 'finding' her tooth under the buffet in the dining room when I know full well the kid swallowed it while eating a cob of corn.*

The Princess went off to write a note. And came back with a paper full of death threats.

Phonics is a tricky skill for the Princess. She has a bit of a lisp. She's working hard at school and is very excited that she can produce long pages of 'words'. But it's kind of like reading hieroglyphics. You have to piece it together bits here and there before you can make sense of what she's written.

On closer look I could see the words 'happy', 'love' and a lot of 'Die Tooth Fie".

Yes. Translation - Dear Tooth Fairy. I could breathe again. My child was not a sociopath.

And I quote:

"Die Tooth Fie can you fied my tooth it is diwd seis net the cwotr I cht their but I dided fid it I wondr if you ken fud my tooth if you fid my tooth I wil be vee happy and if im vee hppy and you fidmy tooth and I wil kebmy tooth and I wil defy keb the mune Die tooth Fie cn you fiud my tooth it is dunsdes I love the tooth fie Die tooth fie I lik you Die tooth Fie it is 6:53."


"Dear Tooth Fairy. Can you find my tooth? It is down stairs next to the computer. I checked there but I didn't find it. I wonder if you can find my tooth? If you find my tooth I will be very happy and if I'm very happy and find my tooth and I will keep my tooth and I will definitely keep the money. Dear Tooth Fairy, can you find my tooth? It is downstairs. I love the Tooth Fairy. Dear Tooth Fairy. I like you. Dear Tooth Fairy it is 6:53."

She writes like me. A lot of run on sentences and could use an editor.

Friday, October 3, 2008

My Husband

Let me start off this post by stating that I love my husband.

After 19 years of marriage, he still brings me flowers, he is my best confidante, he helps load the dishwasher at the end of a long day. And he brings home rum without being asked.

He works hard to feed and clothe all our children, answers work emails at 11 pm (I do NOT love his Blackberry), and basically is just an all around great guy.

But he doesn't know the first thing about hair products.

Now, in his defence (I love you dear), I had quite a few shampoo and conditioner bottles in the shower. In MY defence, it was totally not my fault (first rule of marriage. It's never her fault). The eldest daughter had 'borrowed' my shampoo and conditioner..... left them in her bathroom....I was forced to use the new bottles from under the sink because I didn't discover them missing until I was in the shower....then I found the bottles that we took camping under a seat in the minivan and somehow they got put it the shower. Ok...there were 7 green bottles of shampoo and conditioner in there. The shower isn't that big. I kept meaning to deal with it but I've been busy doing stuff. Lots of stuff.

Anyway, my loving husband decided to take care of things. He told me that he had poured all the shampoos and conditioners into two bottles. He wasn't kidding.

When I went to wash my hair this morning I poured conditioner into my hand. From the shampoo bottle. There's conditioner in the conditioner bottle, too, so I can only assume that there's shampoo in one of the bottles, somewhere.

My hair is in a ponytail today.

Just wait till he brushes his teeth tonight.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Brain Farts

I've been having a lot of these lately.

I went to buy coffee beans two days ago. I remember being in the store and looking at the shelf for the type we buy. The word "Yukon" was going through my mind. I was picturing the cute little sticker on the front of the packaging. I was looking for Yukon coffee. I couldn't find it. The clerk helped me, I thanked her. I paid for it. I left.

So yesterday morning I got the coffee beans out of the cupboard and I looked at the package and said...well, never mind what I said. The point is I was standing there holding a package of Kenya coffee beans.

Second case in point.

I was on the phone with our extended health company. The polite lady on the other end of the line asked me for my date of birth. I told her the 14th. I was born on the 17th. None of my children were born on the 14th, nor was the Husband. None of my siblings or parents were either. As soon as I said it, I thought...well, never mind what I thought. The point is I knew it was wrong as soon as I said it, but I had absolutely no idea where the number had come from or why I had said it.

As I head into my 40s, things are falling. Places are wrinkling. Areas are creaking. And now my brain seems to be wanting to get in on some of the action. It's just so amusing.

Please tell me your brain is farting too.....I'm needing some serious support here.

And don't you find that the Kenyan coffee leaves a bit of a bitter taste in your mouth?

*** update on this fabulous blog's contest!!!***

The owner of this glorious blog has kindly agreed to bake up some lovely autumn pumpkin scones, in honour of Thanksgiving Day just around the corner. SOOOOO, there will be a CHOICE for the winner!!! Pumpkin scones or some BEAUTIFUL honey smelling tea candles.

So get those comments in by Sunday, October 5th. You might be the lucky winner of a dozen pumpkin scones. Or some candles. Your choice. But you have to comment. That's the deal.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Online Shopping

A couple of days ago, I was perusing the Chapters.Indigo online store. Christmas shopping. I'm a keener.

Having a 6 year old daughter, the title "My Princess Treasury" sounded promising. I clicked on the link to investigate the latest crappy Disney book. As a scrolled down the page, I glanced at a heading,

"May We Also Recommend".

Now, call me naive, but if one was looking at Princess books, one might make the quantum leap of thought that one would be interested in exploring OTHER titles catering to the 6 year old girls market. One might. But not if you run the "May We Also Recommend" section of the Chapters.Indigo online store.

Most fortunately for my 6 year old daughter, I did not purchase the book that Chapters.Indigo thinks a person who is looking at MY PRINCESS TREASURY might also want to buy.

Hence, my lucky child will not find the following under the Christmas tree this year.

Guidelines for Postrelease Mitigation Technology in the Chemical Process Industry.

I don't even know what that title means.

The second recommendation was equally as impressive.

Glow in the Dark Aliens.

Sadly, the website didn't have a picture of that book. I totally might have bought it if I knew what it looked like. In my experience, children who love pink princess treasury books also LOVE creepy glowing aliens.

To be completely fair, I gave Chapters.Indigo the benefit of the doubt. Anyone could have a bad day, and I thought, perhaps the person pushing buttons behind the screen had inadvertently spilled his coffee across his keyboard, so I refreshed the screen.

And then it recommended I buy a book on Jesus.

I felt rather insulted.

But they finally got it right this morning. When I went online to find the picture of that chemical book, I put in the title of My Princess Treasury.

Evidently, the guy that spilled coffee on his keyboard was fired and they got someone who truly understands the concept of "May We Also Recommend".

That new hire (who I'm sure is a mother of a 6 year old girl) recommended I purchase this.

Christmas Drinks.

Which totally makes sense. Because if you're going to be forced to read yet another poorly written Disney book about Princesses, you're going to need a drink to go with it.

Give that girl a raise.