How Not To Perform a Courtesy Call

I got a call from StarChoice TV yesterday.

A very nice lady on the other end of the line wanted to know why the Husband and I had decided to leave them for greener pastures, a.k.a., Shaw Cable.

I always find it funny when I get those kind of calls. I recognise the company is trying to find out why they've lost a customer. These calls are always as sweet as sugar on a sugar cube, and the person is always so polite and courteous and tries to bend over backwards to get you to come back to their company. But on the flip side, when I'm telling the company that the reason I left them was because of poor customer service.....well, it's kind of ironic. Or moronic. Why is the only good customer service I receive from their company happening after I leave? I'm not sure they understand the whole concept of 'happy customer'.

Regardless, I told the nice lady calling from the satellite company the reasons why we left them. I explained the poor customer service we had received and the problems that they had not rectified. The Husband and I had researched other options and decided to go with cable.

The nice lady was sorry to hear that. And then she ended our call with this:

"Well. Shaw Cable is actually our parent company, so I'm happy we've still got you."

It wasn't a courtesy call after all.

She phoned to mock me.

Customer Service

The Bank has started calling again.

The calls started last Thursday. Between 10:03 and 10:16 am each morning, the phone rings and they ask for the Husband. I tell them he's not home, they ask when would be a more convenient time to call, I tell them to call in the evening and they say they will make note of it on his account. Then they call the next day between 10:03 and 10:16 am.

But a strange thing has happened. Between you and me, I'm a bit worried.

I can find no joy in keeping track of when they call. I cannot mock the poor soul that has been scheduled to call our house between 10 and 10:15 every morning. I cannot find the energy needed to even try and explain my frustrations to the person on the other end of the phone.

I'm scared.

Do you think I have CRAPPeD*?

*Customer service Representatives Afflict Psychosis over the Phone Disorder?

I googled the symptoms:

• Breaking into a cold sweat at the sound of ringing phones.
• Elevator muzac induced hives.
• Waking up at 3 am in a cold sweat with the inexplicable desire to bury all your phones in the backyard under the pale moonlight and with a clove of garlic.
• Making the sign of the cross when you hear the words, "All our representatives are currently busy helping other customers."
• Inability to say, "I want to speak with your supervisor," or "Your company sucks and I am never buying anything you sell ever never ever!"
• A feeling of confusion and disorientation when a customer service representative solves your problem on the first phone call.
• An obvious lack of joy when slamming a phone down in disgust....if you even feel disgust anymore.
• Unexplainable twitching when hearing the words, "Gateway", "back order" and "Level 2"
• Inability to make fun of poor customer service in a public forum.
• Urge to drink at 10 am.

I've got them all.

And I don't know how to find the joy.

Help me, fellow readers. I cannot afford psychotherapy. I can barely afford the beer.

We can't let them win.

Help me get the joy back.

Help.