Gol' Darn Tarnation...Young 'uns These Days!

As I lay in bed last night, trying to go to sleep, I had the urge to scream profanities out my bedroom window.

Our little neighbourhood has always been pretty quiet. That is, until last fall when some hooligans moved in. Young 'uns. Young adults exuding testosterone. Youth with a propensity towards alcohol. And fun. And being loud. And swearing in inebriated jest. Then swearing at the people yelling at them to keep it down because there are children trying to sleep. And then cursing at the dogs that are barking non stop at their loud swearing.

It's a vicious cycle.

A vicious cycle that nearly culminated in me losing it and calling the cops.

Yes. You read that right. I'm officially old.

I almost picked up the phone and dialed the non emergency line for our local police. I might have gone through with it, too, if it hadn't meant I'd have to get out of bed and look up the non emergency number.

But I'm old. And I was tired. So I lay in bed listening to the call of the wild mixed with cheap beer and reminisced about how I never behaved like that in my youth.

At a wedding once, but never in my youth.

And so now I'm plotting my revenge. Lawn mowing at 6am? Organizing a little girls screaming contest to be held every Sunday morning? Rent a spot light and bullhorn and give a play by play of what girl dissed which guy's moves? Or perhaps I could rig up some speakers and play Celine Dion out their way once the partying gets past my comfort zone. Or Raffi. Nothing says "The party's over!" like a middle aged man singing Baby Beluga.

*Please note the selection of Canadian artists. I'm all about Canadian content on my blog.

Sadly, I know I won't do anything. Come on, if I'm too lazy to get out of bed and dial a phone number, I can't imagine expending the energy needed to find my Celine Dion CD.

I mean...if I had one. Which I don't.

Honest.

But it's fun to seek revenge, if only in my head.

Should I Be Worried?

The Eldest sent me a text today.

She was having problems with her contacts and asked me to bring her glasses to school for her. The Husband was talking to me as I started to text "ok, be there in a minute".

When the husband finished talking, I looked down at the text I had just finished.

It said: Library.

What the......

Do you think I need to schedule an appointment with a neurologist?

Maybe my brain is calling out for a good book.....

Ode to My 30's

Today is my last day in the decade known as my '30's.

It feels about the same way as the day before a scheduled root canal. It's a day you've been dreading for weeks, stewing over, trying to think of any excuse you can to skip the appointment, but eventually have to come to the conclusion that you best just get it over with.

Except I've never had a root canal. I prefer to just let my teeth fall out. I've got a little problem going on with the dentist.

But I think that's probably what it would feel like.

The past 10 years have been pretty awesome. A lot of stuff happened. Mostly good, some bad. A fair amount of Griswold luck. We bought our first home and added two more children into our brood. I've worked, I've stayed home, I've learned how to bake pumpkin scones.

I parented for a full 10 years with the occasional vacation paired with food poisoning. I discovered that marriage gets better as you both get older and 'mature' (snort!).

I aged 10 years. I think I'm officially a grown up. At least I think I should be since I'm going to be officially middle aged.

I'm going to miss being 39.

But there's lots to look forward to in my 40's.

The Eldest graduating.

The Baby starting school.

Going back to work.

The Boy graduating.

Vacations.

Menopause.

My boobs falling down to my stretch marks.

Dentures.

Weddings.

Grandchildren.

Oh, god, I just threw up in my mouth.

I'm going to go have a cry, then apply some moisturizer to my crows feet.

And go enjoy my last day of being in my thirties by taking the Princess ice skating and hopefully not breaking my bum hip.

Barney Bentall Is Still Totally Awesome

The Husband and I used to be in our 20's.

We listened to the brilliance of Colin James, Barney Bentall and the Legendary Hearts and Bryan Adams.

Ok. I listened to Bryan Adams.

Last night, the Husband and I went to pretend we were still 20 something and headed out to a Casino where Barney Bentall and the Legendary Hearts were playing.

I also lost 20 bucks but we won't dwell on that. Particularly since I was up 20 dollars at one point and should have listened to my psychic Pisces inner voice screaming, "CASH IN!! CASH IN!! WALK AWAY FROM THE SLOT MACHINE!!"

Casinos are stupid.

But back to Barney.

Awesome concert, dude. Totally rocked. Great seats, good sound, some friendly banter with the Husband about whether Barney was nursing a little comb over. Good night spent with some great friends we hadn't seen in a very long time.

We had front row balcony seats which made for some great viewing. But as I looked around the room I thought, "Why the hell are all these old people here?"

It was totally weird. I must have been sending telepathic thoughts out because the Husband had apparently been thinking the exact same thoughts.

Which led to me doing a bit of math and the Husband telling me to shut up about the whole matter. And shut up is considered an off limits word in our household so I knew he really meant it and I dropped the whole conversation.

But between you and me, there were a lot of old people there.

Not in the balcony area though. The cool people were sitting up there.

And This Is What Happens When.....

So the Husband and I are going out tomorrow night.

A real date.

More to the point, we're going out with a couple that we haven't been in contact with for, oh, about 6 years.

Enter two zits on my upper lip.

Yes, God. I am trying to work on my pathetic anxieties about my personal appearance. It's not like I've got a lot to work with, here. Well. Actually I have way too much to deal with around my arse, hips and thighs and not nearly enough on the upper half of my body, but you know what I'm saying. With a 40th birthday looming, no....STALKING me, the wrinkles and basically everything sliding down my body at an alarming rate is really quite enough to keep me humble.

The zits were really not necessary.

And for the record, this is what happens when you're being neurotic in front of the mirror and have left the 14 year Boy in charge of things.

I filled up that sugar bowl yesterday.

The New Look of Motherhood

The Baby and I went to the open gym today. She's been alive for 2 1/2 years and I've never taken her there.

There are two reasons for this.

#1 - She's my fourth child.

#2 - We always go for walks to the variety of playgrounds in our area, plus play in the schoolyard when we pick up the Princess.

Wait. There's a third reason. I'm pretty cheap.

But all this snow and rain and slush and ice drove me to it. I took the Baby to the Loonie Drop In Gym Time at our local rec centre. Ok, they don't actually call it the Loonie Drop In Gym Time, but it does cost one dollar. And Loonie is what we call our dollar coin up here in the Great White North, and, well, how fun would it be to go ask someone to direct you to the 'Loonie Drop In'?

As I was saying, the Baby and I went to the gym. And I aged 17 years as I walked through the doors.

Excuse me....but where were all the Mommys? I saw a lot of young ladies all lined up along the edges of the gym who were busy texting other people There was a caregiver who had her entire daycare there and was most certainly having a hard time supervising all of them. There were several sets of grandparents having a grand time with their grandchildren. And then I saw someone my age.

Yes! I thought. And look! She's holding a newborn. Oh...so sweet.

And then she handed the newborn back to her daughter. She was another grandma.

The Baby had a great time.

Me? I'm bringing my cane next time so I can hang out with the old folks.

Brain Farts

I've been having a lot of these lately.

I went to buy coffee beans two days ago. I remember being in the store and looking at the shelf for the type we buy. The word "Yukon" was going through my mind. I was picturing the cute little sticker on the front of the packaging. I was looking for Yukon coffee. I couldn't find it. The clerk helped me, I thanked her. I paid for it. I left.

So yesterday morning I got the coffee beans out of the cupboard and I looked at the package and said...well, never mind what I said. The point is I was standing there holding a package of Kenya coffee beans.

Second case in point.

I was on the phone with our extended health company. The polite lady on the other end of the line asked me for my date of birth. I told her the 14th. I was born on the 17th. None of my children were born on the 14th, nor was the Husband. None of my siblings or parents were either. As soon as I said it, I thought...well, never mind what I thought. The point is I knew it was wrong as soon as I said it, but I had absolutely no idea where the number had come from or why I had said it.

As I head into my 40s, things are falling. Places are wrinkling. Areas are creaking. And now my brain seems to be wanting to get in on some of the action. It's just so amusing.

Please tell me your brain is farting too.....I'm needing some serious support here.

And don't you find that the Kenyan coffee leaves a bit of a bitter taste in your mouth?


*** update on this fabulous blog's contest!!!***

The owner of this glorious blog has kindly agreed to bake up some lovely autumn pumpkin scones, in honour of Thanksgiving Day just around the corner. SOOOOO, there will be a CHOICE for the winner!!! Pumpkin scones or some BEAUTIFUL honey smelling tea candles.

So get those comments in by Sunday, October 5th. You might be the lucky winner of a dozen pumpkin scones. Or some candles. Your choice. But you have to comment. That's the deal.

Health

I've gone for years without really thinking about taking care of my physical body. Other than gimping up my hip giving birth to my youngest, I really haven't had much reason to use our health care system. The past two weeks seem to have the powers that be bombarding me with reminders that this isn't necessarily the best long term plan.

In the past two weeks, the following has been diagnosed in our immediate and extended family:

• Breast cancer
• Retina tear
• Adult onset diabetes

This week, a close friend's mother in law passed away from cancer.

This week, an extended family member fell and had to be taken to the hospital.

One starts to ponder life just a little bit when things keep poking a person in the eye like that. And I've come to a conclusion. Get ready for it. It's a doozy.

This aging thing sucks.

Oh, and I need to start eating way more fruit and vegetables in my diet.