Ding Ding Ding!

Last October, I wrote about some daily phone calls I was receiving from our banking institution.

The daily courtesy calls requesting to speak with The Husband went on for many months. The calls petered out in February and happened sporadically after that. A few times a week. None for a week, then they'd start up again. The vast majority of calls came in the morning around 10 am, despite my repeated repeated repeated requests that they should phone in the evening if they wanted to reach The Husband.

Yes, they came close once or twice. But still no evening calls.

Several weeks ago, the phone calls started up again....every single morning. I didn't even tell them when would be a better time to call. 10 months of calls can take the fun out of anything, I guess.

This past Friday night, at 8:50 pm, the phone rang. It was the friendly courtesy call from the bank, looking for The Husband. And he was home.

After 10 months, they finally got their man. And then they tried to trick him into agreeing to some reverse billing life insurance.

I was not impressed.

The conversation on The Husband's end of the line went something like this:

"No, I'm not interested."

"No, I'm really not interested."

"No."

"Thanks, but...."

"No, I'm not giving you that information over the phone."

"Exactly what branch of our friendly banking institution are you calling from?"

"I think I'll just look at that info online before I make a decision like that."

"I can't look at it online?"

"Sure. Fine. You can put the information in the mail."

"Woah woah woah woah woah....no...I did not just agree to that.

"Are you telling me you're wanting me to agree to negative billing???"

"No.....no.....goodbye. Goodbye. Thanks but no. No."

"DO NOT SEND ME ANYTHING IN THE MAIL. I AM NOT INTERESTED IN NEGATIVE BILLING."

"Bye....."

Click.

Ah. Friday nights at the Mahoney household.

One of the many reasons that's why there's always beer in our fridge.

The Fraud Squad

Remember the good old days when the word 'skimmed' referred to gross blue tinged milk that no one would ever drink except if they were on a diet?

Good times.

Better than what 'skimmed' means in the 21st century.

The Bank called this morning. At 9:04 am. It was the daily usual customer courtesy call for the Husband. You'll be happy to note that they heard my cries to stop calling at 10:03 every morning because the Husband isn't home at that time, so they've most graciously changed the time of call to 9:04 every morning. For the past five workdays....I kid you not. And between you and me, the Husband was actually home on one of those mornings when they called, but I lied and said he wasn't. This is an experiment I am going to see to the finish line.

After I hung up from the courtesy call, the phone rang again. It was the bank again. But not a courtesy call. This one was from their security department.

I got to spend a fair chunk of my morning down at the Bank because my bank card had been 'skimmed' at some time, somewhere, somehow in the previous several months. Someone tried to withdraw some hard earned, HONESTLY OBTAINED money from our account in the middle of last night.

The crazy thing is they did the same thing to a relative of mine as well. We don't use the same banks, don't live close to each other, and it was for the same amount of money.

The creeps. The low lifes. The cretins. The scum.

The Bank was fantastic in dealing with this. I give them props. In fact, it truly sheds new light on the pathetic customer service call scheduling issues. They obviously have all their competent people working in the Fraud Squad and have relegated the staff who originally trained on Commodore 64s to the customer service department. Which really, is a-okay by me. I shall happily answer my phone at 9:04 am for the next month.

The good thing is we're not out any money. But now I have to remember a new password. Oh, the inhumanity of it all.

Karma, you bad money stealing thieves. Karma.

Day 21

I'm feeling kind of left out.

The bank hasn't called since Friday.

No call yesterday.

No call this morning.

Maybe Bonnie activated the 'do not call ever again' button. Have I won? It hardly seems a victory. A tad anticlimactic. I was looking forward to congratulating the person who finally called in the evening and letting them know I was going to talk about them on my blog. It was going to be quite titillating.

Ah, well. I suppose I must go back to the daily grind of ironing pants, folding laundry and driving children to the optometrist. My life is suddenly not as exciting as when I had a daily dose of cheesing off someone over the phone.

I may have to start prank calling the Husband at work.

Days 17, 18 and 19

Sorry to have kept you on the edge of your seat about the banking calls . I've been busy doing stuff.

Day 17 arrived and I was out for most of the day. But I was beginning to think that they were finally on to me, because they called at 4:46pm. They were kind enough to tell me they would make a note on the Husband's account that he should be called in the evenings.

Day 18. 3:45 pm on the nose. They not very kindly told me they would make note of it on the Husband's account. I don't understand it. I was nothing but peaches and cream to that woman.

Day 19. Today. 10:03 am. Excellent. We're right back on track. I hope I get to wish these guys a Merry Christmas. Bonnie wasn't very cheerful this morning. In fact, I would wager that that she had a fight with her significant other last night. Or there's a teenager living in her house. She didn't even tell me she would make note of it on his account.

So, with the daily banking courtesy call out of the way, I'm off to find a Halloween costume for the Boy. All week I have asked him what he's going to dress up as on the big day. What do I need to get. You know, motherly stuff. Yesterday, before heading to the Salvation Army yet again for a costume accessory the Princess needed, I asked him......"WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO BE??? I'M GOING TO THE SALVATION ARMY NOW."

The Boy said, and I quote, "I don't know."

This morning, October 31st, the Boy told me he needed a Halloween mask.

After pouring water on my head to douse the fire shooting out of my ears, I asked him why he didn't inform me of this when I asked him YESTERDAY. His answer gives a pretty indepth look into the mind of a 14 year old boy.

"I told you at dinner a couple nights ago I was thinking of wearing a mask."

Yes. I gave birth to that.

Day 16

Every weekday morning for the past 3 weeks, Monday thru Friday, I have received a phone call between the times of 10 and 10:30 am, Pacific Standard Time. A 'friendly service call' from the Husband's credit card company.

The first time they called, I just told them the Husband wasn't in.

Silly me.

The second day, I told them he wasn't in and asked what it was about. "Just a courtesy call from We Lost All Your RRSP Earnings Bank, Credit Card Division. It's nothing to be concerned about. We'll call back."

Yes. They certainly would.

The third day, I told them he wasn't in and then told them they would need to call in the evenings if they wanted to speak with the Husband.

They told me they would note this on his account.

No. They wouldn't.

Day 4. I told them he wasn't in, that they had been calling for several days now, all at the same time of day, and the last person who called had said they would make note that if they wanted to speak with Mr. Husband, they would have to CALL IN THE EVENING.

They said they would make note of this on his account.

Uh huh.

This has been repeated for 16 days. Every day between 10 and 10:30 am, someone calls. Everyday, I tell them that they have been calling for X number of days. I've repeatedly told them to call in the evening. I've been repeatedly told it would be noted on his account. The apologies from the other end are getting pretty good. I could hear the guy fidgeting in his chair yesterday.

I'm starting to have a bit of fun.

Now, before they even ask for the Husband, I ask them if this is the WLAYREP Bank calling (you can tell it's them. There's a pause and a click after you say "Hello" and before a human comes on the line). And then I ask them if they know what day we're on.

And then they tell me they will make note of it on his account.

Yesterday, when I told the Husband, he asked if he should just call the bank himself. I told him absolutely not. I want to see how many days it takes for someone to actually do their job and figure out a way to make their computer system schedule an evening calling time.

I have no idea how long it will take. What day we'll get to. But they may be onto me. Today they called at 9:05 am. I was totally taken by surprise and didn't ask them if they knew what day we were on.

Lest they think they are breaking me, tomorrow I will ask them why they're not calling to console me about our latest RRSP statement.

Should be fun. I'll keep you updated.

Might I Suggest?

....not opening up your RRSP statement?

If you do, you will be forced to think back 7 years, to a time when that RRSP was worth what it is worth today (give or take 3 dollars). Then you'll go sit in a corner and cry. Which will lead to thinking about your retirement years and how you will be eating peanut butter out of a jar for dinner and cutting pretty buttons off of an old blouse to give to your grandchildren for Christmas presents. Which will lead to you wanting a beer.

But you can't afford a beer because you need to start stuffing your mattress with Loonies and Twonies so you can afford to buy said peanut butter and blouses from the Salvation Army during your retirement years. This will make you mad. Which will lead to you shoving that RRSP statement violently back into the envelope. Which will cause another piece of paper to fall out of that envelope.

You will read it and discover that the bank wants you to know, "investment discipline is key to success," and "the most important thing for any investor is to avoid acting on emotions."

Which will cause you to take a match to your RRSP statement and spout off words that no 2 year old should ever hear about Financial Advisors. You will momentarily feel better.

But, it will be an awkward conversation with your bank, explaining why you need a copy of your latest RRSP statement. And they will charge you $15 for it.

Might I suggest drinking the beer?