Sunday, March 15, 2009

Top Ten Reasons Spring Can Arrive

It snowed today.

And hailed.

I don't live in Nunavut.

The daffodils I planted last fall are so blinking confused I have lost all faith that they will ever bloom.

I have decided to have it out with winter, and tell it to go to where the sun don't shine. The first day of spring is scheduled to arrive later this week and winter better get its butt packed and moved on out. Or else.

Or else what I have no idea, but I'm saying it in my sternest mother voice.

I mean it.

Winter....it's been a slice. You arrived in time for a Christmas visit. We were so happy to see you. So rarely do we West Coasters get to enjoy you during the festive holidays. We know you usually like to stay home way out there in the centre of the universe otherwise known as Toronto, and we were so honoured that you decided to hang out with us wimps. But I'll be honest with you. You've over stayed your welcome. By about 2 months.

Go home.

Top 10 Reasons Spring Can Arrive

10. Snow...I'm sick of it. Sick sick sick sick sick.
9. I'm tired of scraping the minivan's windows in the morning. Tired tired tired tired tired of it.
8. My last natural gas bill killed 2 trees.
7. My last hydro bill needed extra postage.
6. We're out of hot chocolate.
5. A person shouldn't have the urge to hang Christmas lights in March.
4. I bought this cute purple spring wrap sweater and I don't want to wear a coat over it.
3. The Bailey's is gone.
2. My hair looks like I've been drying it with a blow torch.

....and the #1 reason Spring can arrive....

1. I washed all of the Baby's mittens and they all came out of the dryer missing their mates.

Spring. Please. Come. Soon.

2 comments:

tentativeequinox said...

Amen sister! Amen! It should not snow during spring break. That is just wrong.

Some other mother lines that might work:

1) Winter, don't make me pull this car over!
2) How old are you? You need to set an example for the other seasons.
3) Use your indoor voice.

colleen4 said...

Brilliant, TE, brilliant.