Tuesday, June 23, 2009

An Injury

I have a shoulder injury.

Oh, don't go out and buy me flowers and a get well card. It's a minor shoulder injury. Minor enough not to have to go to the doctor but major enough to complain to The Husband about it.

I'd like to be able to brag that I injured my shoulder playing tennis, lifting weights at the gym, or perhaps saving a child from a burning building.

But this is me. I got injured by toilet paper. I have a toilet paper injury.

Google search is going to have a heyday with my blog today.

I was doing some shopping at my least favourite store in the world. A store that doesn't put their toilet paper rolls on shelves but prefers to cut open the cardboard boxes of TP and stack them up super duper high one on top of the other. Stacked higher than 5'1" little me. Much higher.

Apparently, packages of 30 roll count of toilet paper can get precariously off balance. Especially when a 5'1" person takes a package from one of the middle boxes because she cannot possibly reach the top box.

I learned some things that day. I swear instinctively when being pummelled by copious packages of bathroom tissue. I have the reflexes of a sloth. 30 roll count of TP is surprising heavy when lots of it is falling on top of you. And I am anal enough to actually pick up all the packages of TP and put them back on the shelf with my non injured arm.

The Husband accused me of missing out on a little windfall by not informing someone at the store that their carelessness, nay, negligence, in toilet paper stacking policies caused me an injury. I replied that I wasn't going to be going down in history as the lady who sued Stupidstore for a toilet paper injury. I'd be second in line after that lady who sued Micky D's for making their coffee hot and not telling her she shouldn't put it in between her legs with the lid off in a moving car.

Some days, you have to take one for the team. You make sacrifices to take care of your family. You go and slay the dragon, flaunting your war wounds as medals of honour. You can hold your head high, knowing that you fought the toilet paper and won.....your family will not have to resort to grabbing drive thru paper napkins from the minivan to wipe their hinies.

Sadly, my toilet paper shoulder injury was for naught. I got home and I realized that I hadn't bought any toilet paper.

Apparently, I have a head injury, too.


Bridget said...

Oh, no! I'm so sorry about your injury, but your story really made me laugh. :)

Gina said...

Totally something I'd do. Feel better.

Theresa said...

Found you via Pacing The Panic Room, thought I'd click and see what you're about, and I am blogrolling you! Um, not that anyone reads mine, but still.

Never had a toilet paper injury, but was once wearing the toilet seat and lid when there was a malfunction and miscalculation at 2am.

Thanks for the laugh. And I do hope your shoulder feels better soon!

MahoneyMusings said...

@Bridget and Gina. Thanks. It developed into a brilliant migraine, so I'm good for whining and complaining for a few more days!

@Theresa - Isn't Pacing the Panic Room brilliant? If you like his blog, you should check out http://www.outnumberedonline.com/ .

Anonymous said...

This is hilarious. I hope you're feeling better after your toilet paper escapade.

MahoneyMusings said...

@TentativeEquinox - Yes. Hilarious. Stupidstore never does me wrong when it comes to a good blog entry.